Sex and Food

I must confess that I enjoy reading George Will's columns, which labels me a right-leaning archaism for some, I'm sure. Of course, he sends me to a dictionary on a regular basis, but I always come away feeling like I've learned something. He probably represents a dying breed of conservative, a kind of old-school intellectual who isn't phased much by the turning of the tides. That makes him a contrary voice in the midst of an increasingly superficial world of commentary (that goes for the left AND the right, IMHO). Personally, I can't say for sure whether his Jeffersonian ideals will really work in a global, urban, online society, but it's food for thought, anyway.

Speaking of food, in his most recent article, he cites an essay by Mary Eberstadt which describes popular American culture as "puritanical about food, and licentious about sex." She chronicles the shift in moral standards from the 50's to now, comparing our attitudes towards food and sex. As she points out, the typical American housewife of the 1950's had no problem serving red meat, with starchy, high carb sides (cooked with lots of butter and refined sugar), and relatively few fresh or organic items to her family. But she believed a man and woman should be married in order to have sex, and that outside of that context sex was wrong.

Compare that to today. The average young woman today has considerably stronger views about what kinds of foods she should and shouldn't keep in her house, while her views on sexuality and marriage have probably become remarkably more permissive and open-ended. This gives us a fascinating window into what these two different cultures, separated by five decades, consider to be important in life.

I attribute this shift to our loss of a transcendental reference. In a world that is philosophically materialistic, this life is all you've got. Therefore your body's needs become king. Today we will expend TONS of energy working on our bodies, watching what we eat, hitting the gym, going under the knife, trying to turn back the hands of the clock anyway we can. Repressing sexual urges, on the other hand, is seen as unnatural, and therefore prudish. Traditional family structures seem irrelevant in a world where there is no authoritative tradition, and authoritative tradition presupposes that Someone (other than you) has the right to be in charge.

George Will describes himself as an agnostic, so I don't imagine he would see our problems the same way. But I believe we agree that the breakdown of the family structure has brought on such a smorgasbord of ailments (which our schools, prisons, and legislatures are supposed to somehow fix) that without a reversal in that trend we will not see our society get any better. We can learn to eat whole foods. But when will we learn to practice whole sex? Sex involves the whole person (well, human sex does anyway) and expresses an intimacy and trust that matches the commitment of a lifelong marital bond. Maybe after enough time has passed, or maybe enough research has been done, even the "materialists" will agree with us that some kinds of physical intimacy are better than others, just like with food. Maybe not.

Sad Songs (Say So Much)

Have you noticed how strong of an aversion we Christians have to expressing sadness? The same thing can be said for doubt, fear, and anger (well, certain groups of Christians seem to thrive on anger, so maybe that one deserves an asterisk). I think we feel that it's wrong to express negative emotions, because what kind of message will that send about God's children? We don't want to discourage one another, and we don't want to have a bad testimony in the world.

But we're meant to feel. We're meant to be affected by the things around us.

Jesus wept.

Pete Scazzero, in his Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, points out that "Two-thirds of the psalms are laments, complaints to God"(p.143). Yet when I look at the songs that I have written for my church group (we write our own songs), I find that most of mine express the same tone. They're not all that way, mind you. I wrote a couple that are prayerful and meditative. A couple are grandiose and declarative. A couple are just plain fun.

But what about the sad songs?

As Elton John once said, "Sad songs, they say so much."

Indeed they do. Our lives with the Lord sometimes take us into the valley of the shadow of death. And when they do, He is there, too. We need songs that express that, because someday you'll be back there again, and when that time comes it will be of tremendous help to you to have put expression to what you experienced the first time.

King David seems downright bipolar sometimes. Just read a Psalm. His emotions ranged the whole gamut of feelings from elation and exaltation to sorrow, grief, guilt, and despair. And yet those songs became the hymnody of a nation. Wow. Apparently nations need sad songs, too. Sad songs that take you through that valley and show you that there is life and light on the other side. Or maybe those songs just need to be there when you get there so that you won't feel so alone. Maybe the Lord inhabits those songs in those moments when you need His presence most. Maybe in those dark hours, He will come to you in a song. A sad song.

So go on and write sad songs. Put words and music to every emotion that the Lord takes us through...we need them all. They're all a part of His work in us, and we should treat them as such. Don't hide your weakness, your failing, your sorrows. Hiding them is often an act of pride. We don't want to appear like we don't have it all together.

In a dark time in my life, I once wrote a song to the tune of "Uninvited," a song in minor key by Alanis Morissette. I never sang it in a meeting. But maybe I should have. Maybe I'll pull it out again someday. Maybe not ;-)

Don't Become Ingrown

Everyone should have the opportunity to hear people with different viewpoints from time to time. I think it's an essential part of a healthy thought life. I think it's crucial to your mental well-being. And sure, I know that we all have to regularly rub elbows with co-workers or neighbors who may be worlds apart from us ideologically. But conversation at the end of the driveway or around the water cooler is easily turned off, and often too trivial to really impact the core things we care about.

We've all been busy for several years now, building online communities where birds of a feather can flock together. And I don't want to knock it...I can't think of a better, quicker way to find folks with interests similar to your own. I can think of a thousand benefits to virtual community. But I'm also noticing a down side: Becoming Ingrown.

Of course, the internet isn't the only place this happens. Real-life, flesh-and-blood communities fall into this ditch, too. Churches, clubs, support groups, and even families reinforce their own way of looking at things--which isn't entirely a bad thing. But I think it's terribly important that someone within those communities stay interactive with the larger world outside...for the sake of everyone else within.

I feel like I've gained so much from interacting with people who don't see things the same way as I do, and I wouldn't trade their input for anything. It keeps me balanced. For example, years before I became a part of the church/community in which I live, I read up on their detractors. I collected critiques of what they were doing, and thought about those critiques a good bit. I wrestled with the arguments both for and against what I was headed into. In fact, I still do that today. Just in the past week, I've spent a good bit of time processing criticism from people who think differently from me on things I hold very dear. I do this, even now, because it keeps me from becoming too narrow-minded, too certain of what I know, too confident in my own knowledge. And I think that ultimately benefits those around me.

It's mentally exhausting sometimes, I have to admit. I don't think everyone can sustain this kind of thing at the same level. Maybe some folks are better suited to this kind of exercise than others. But it's still a useful activity. Groups like the one I'm in can draw immense benefit from such a thing.

So if you see someone close to you asking scary questions, analyzing things you think shouldn't even have to be analyzed, stop for a moment and consider that we need folks like these. We need people who can interact with the wider world, who can evaluate things that most of us simply take for granted. They're a necessary part of a healthy community.

All Who Are Weary

The brother who started the church that I'm a part of always encouraged us to take breaks when we need them. Spiritual life grows in seasons, he taught us, and you cannot make Life flow when it is not in season. That would be like trying to make new leaves in the dead of winter. And because we are not under the delusion that a person has to be "on" all the time, we give each other permission to rest from time to time. Let the soil of our hearts lie fallow for a while until the Life returns and is ready to produce its fruit once again.

Everything in God's creation works that way. Hardly ANYTHING in Man's creation works that way. We like things to be available all the time. Switch on your lights. Crank up the heat. TiVo that show and watch it whenever you want. We hate waiting for anything, and seasons seem to have meaning only in sports and fashion. For most things, we expect constant performance. Not so with the Lord.

So I'm taking a few weeks off of church meetings. The saints I meet with give me no brow-beatings because they, too, understand that God works in seasons. Sometimes you need to rest. Regroup. Recharge. Recenter. Rediscover that you know the Lord whether you are with other believers or by your self. Everyone needs this once in a while. I wish preachers had this luxury. What a difference it would make in the quality of the ministry that they bring!

Since I won't be flapping my gums much in front of the folks that live around me (my church lives close together by design), I guess I'll be writing more! Just a couple short posts after saying that writing well and living well don't always go together :-)

Groundhog Day

Love this movie. Probably my favorite of all time. I heard that when this movie came out, there were so many papers written about it that a French philosophical conference had to begin turning them away. The protagonist (Phil) undergoes a transformation through a series of attempts to find meaning in the midst of a ceaselessly repetitive life. First he tries hedonism (no tomorrow = no consequences), then he tries altruism (hedonism was empty so I'll try to make my life count for something), and then he descends into nihilism (what's the point, just end it all). Finally he pursues love (which fails at first, too) and breaks out of the cycle. In a way, it's an allegory about the evolution of (Western) philosophy. I'll leave it to you to figure out how that can be. It's also a kind of Buddhist version of the book of Ecclesiastes. Bit of trivia: The director's wife is a devout Buddhist.

Incidentally, I originally wrote a completely different blog, but decided that some things are too sensitive to share in the heat of the moment. You've got to let them cool a bit. Blogs are tempting things, but they scatter your thoughts to the four winds, and care has to be used. These little square letters under my finger tips are dangerous things. I want to write some about emotionally healthy spirituality. But like so many things I'd like to share right now, they have to wait their turn.

In the meantime, I'll be plopping down on the couch once again this year to watch Groundhog Day. Can't really explain why it means something to me on a personal level, but somehow it does. Maybe some day I'll figure it out.